I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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