I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
