you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
