I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
