We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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