I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
