ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
