i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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