you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize