:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
