Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
