I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Its about making memories worth repressing
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
And then he peed in my hair
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