A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
