i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
