do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
