Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
where am i from again
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
