I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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