Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize