I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
