who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
