please come you make the beer taste better
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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