Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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