dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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