tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
