They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
