I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
