i wish there were pregnant emoticons
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
