Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
