I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
