Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
two words...techno handjob
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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