i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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