I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
