Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
