My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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