I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
