Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Don't make out with my wife yet
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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