You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
