You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Jรคger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
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