she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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