The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
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You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
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The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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