This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
