My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
