Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
