Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize