If i come over, it means nothing
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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