I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I smell like Dick and happiness
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