When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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