i can't believe i had my finger in that
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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