So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Never underestimate the power of titties
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
