just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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