Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
