So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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