its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I need to calm my uterus...
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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