well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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