i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
