She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
