Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
