You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
