its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
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I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
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also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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