I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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