the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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