Your face is a jimmy john
Sponge bath it is.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
