GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
