a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros, bitch!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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