He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
jump out the window naked night went bad
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
