So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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