So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
