is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
