cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
did i walk over a car last night?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
