Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
