Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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