I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
